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2007 November 4th	top links #3 Netscape was my first browser, and I still use Composer to write HTML. It is version 4.6 but is not compatible with Vista, so I have to use it on XP. As I have Vista now as my regular OS, I tried to use Composer 7.2 the last version ever to be, but it had changed so much I couldn't get on with it. It behaved as if infected by a virus. I tried version 6 but little better. Navigator is now in version 9 something, but is just a browser. Funny how sometimes the older versions of programs seem to work better. I still use Word 97, and Works 4.6. Microsoft say their software is backwards compatible. New programs are usually better, but it depends what you are using them for. Like a lot of consumer desirables they are very often disappointing.	this month April 2008 (19) March 2008 (28) February 2008 (29) January 2008 (33) December 2007 (48) November 2007 (28) INDEX OF ENTRIES (41) start - November 4th 2007 alphabetical look up dates chronological order First time Blog Favourite painting Favourite island Porto Santo Bruno Cornwall now Glastonbury Favourite city Best film, probably Michelangelo's David Ultimate trip Fame for five Maddy Give up smoking Early love of books Influence of writers Zen Tranquility What would you do Be careful what you ask for Black is the new black Josh In the desert That's Hugo all white? web cam first anniversary the final humiliation parties have you googled fireworks again top links #1 new laptop November top links #2 gay dating progress too much technology me as Cupid London top links #3 alphabetical order all white? Be careful what you ask for Best film, probably Black is the new black Blog Bruno Cornwall now Early love of books Fame for five Favourite city Favourite island Favourite painting fireworks again first anniversary First time gay dating progress Give up smoking Glastonbury have you googled In the desert Influence of writers Josh London Maddy me as Cupid Michelangelo's David new laptop November parties Porto Santo That's Hugo the final humiliation too much technology top links #1 top links #2 top links #3 Tranquility Ultimate trip web cam What would you do Zen entries by date September 11 September 12 September 13 September 14 September 16 September 18 September 23 September 30 October 17 October 20 October 21 November 1 November 2 November 3 November 4
November 3rd	London Fabulous day in the capital, with warm November sunshine. Met a friend and we walked around visiting Tate Britain Gallery in Pimlico, on the River Thames (see previous entry), then the Museum of Garden History next to Lambeth Palace on the south side of Lambeth Bridge. A very interesting day, with lunch at the Garden History Museum Cafe where an assistant had so much attitude it could have spoiled our visit. Why don't people working in the service sector try to be nicer, even friendly or at least give some customer service. On the very competitive high street, businesses have to excel at giving service or lose customers. So many shops and supermarkets are so similar, the main thing that distinguishes them is the service level. For that they must employ enough staff, and pay more than the minimum wage, surely. Also to ensure they receive sufficient training. When I was a young assistant in Harrods my customers had excellent service!
	me as Cupid Visited the Tate Britain gallery in London today and the painting called Love Locked Out by Anna Lea Merritt (1889) shows Cupid trying to gain entry. I have been playing Cupid recently as I introduced two friends - who are now so much in love. They are like teenagers again, although both mature with plenty of experiences behind them, this new relationship is blossoming. Their lives are in happy turmoil. The first time we all met for coffee and I arranged for them to sit together. They got on well and discovered many mutual interests, but that could have been the end of it. A week later I suggested we all meet again, but there was some resistance from both sides. I gently persisted because I knew they had both been living on their own for so long, they felt their comfort zone was being invaded. We all have routines and habits which can be difficult to shake. The second meeting for them was even more successful, and they both decided at that time to continue with relish. Now they are both embarrassingly grateful to me, and I have a new name - CUPID.
	too much technology OK so you've just put the clocks and timers back one hour, always worse putting them back isn't it. What a pain too. Apart from adjusting to the different hour, the worse thing is keeping in tune with the rest of the world. Technology is just too clever I think, PCs, TVs, clocks and radios can do it by themselves now, but what about all the other things? Perhaps we should replace them. If they don't keep up perhaps they should go. It seems like a throw-away society already. Is there room for everything that gets discarded though? Perhaps technology will replace us if we aren't careful. Already the number of gadgets is overwhelming. All using chips, artificial intelligence and even more memory. Think how big early computers were, and how much now you can get on a USB flash drive! Trouble is remembering how each of the gadgets works. I used to keep every manual close by, but now most have guides on CD-ROM or are an internet click away. Really helpful...
November 2nd back to top	gay dating progress Not much to say really, except that Hugo is still there, in my bed. Oh guess what bought another duvet cover - only £5 in Wilkinson. Bit too much polyester though, I'll be scratched to death by morning. No one in my bed yet. Joined Gaydar and left, because everyone was too young and only seem to want other young gays. Caffmos aims to team up old queens with young queens, and I've had a massive response BUT only a few serious ones. Its no good having a boyfriend in Russia is it. I need the warmth of a body here and now. If I paid it would be easy I am sure, but there's no future in that. Am looking for fun, friendship and love. Something a bit more long term. Maybe I should try a social group as am non-scene. Without transport its tricky though. Any ideas?
	top links #2 Instantly recognisable logo - AVG. Simply the best FREE anti-virus software (http://www.grisoft.com/). Now in version 7.5, you can update every day, and do so much to protect your system. There is complete flexibility. Notice that so far, my top links are for free software, but in each case you may upgrade to a pro edition or similar. This will obviously have even more facilities. Anti virus - I've tried them all, worst of all Norton, which takes over your machine. I have never had any problems installing or running AVG, so it is strongly recommended. The company started in Hungary or another eastern European country (is this an urban myth?) and now is global. Their products are used by millions of users. They have expanded into anti-malware and anti-spyware programs. I used to think anti-virus companies wrote and distributed virus and worm software ... lol
	November It may be the time for time to alter (remember fall - back, and spring - forward) but the new month of November, particularly this one as we seem to be having an Indian Summer (why is it called that) heralds the bright blue skies and changing leaf colours of Autumn (Fall). Just brilliant. Take time to sit in the park, or stare as you ride the bus. Marvel at the array of natural colour as nature prepares itself for another season. Without Winter there can be no Summer. Mind you, with global warming already here I dread to think how things will change. Will we ever have snow again in southern England? As a child I wished for a white Christmas and a snowman and a toboggan ride. What now?
	new laptop A generous friend recently bought me a new laptop PC, after the old one crashed. This one has a wide screen and Vista. Wow! Yes it really is that good, so many new features, and the quality of the picture is excellent. I had my previous one for around 3 years. How amazing that even XP could become so dated? I get confused with the new tabs, rather than new windows, and get frequent messages alerting me to the fact that I may close everything down at once. The Vista OS is good, with so many features that replace a lot of added-on software that I used to use. There are never enough USB ports, so I upgraded to a 2.0 with 7 ports. Do you know, I use everyone. I though I had been clever, formatting the disc on the old one, but an expert said did I want to replace everything or he could install back to factory level. It just shows that everything leaves a trace - on your PC, and on the internet. Beware!
	top links #1 Editing pics from your camera can be a minefield. I've discovered the easy way. Upload the photo to picnic (http://www.picnik.com/) alter it in many ways, then download - simple. OK you need broadband to make this feasible, but there are now more people in the UK with it, than without it. So there. It was only after giving up smoking at the beginning of the year that I acquired broadband (because I saved so much money). I recommend waitrose.com, and although it is not the fastest connection it does seem very stable. In the top 3 by Which magazine. I cannot imagine how I ever managed without, but then in my early days of internet with a dial-up modem speed of 33 thingys, I went mad waiting for something to download. Often the line dropped half way through. No continuing in those days, it was start again! I hope I don't sound like a grandparent - remember as a child how you imagined they were perpetually grumpy, and complained about everything.
	fireworks again Too loud, but there does seem to have been a reduction in the annual "noise" event. Perhaps people also think fireworks should not be sold to individuals. I am due to attend a local public display tonight (if I can bear it). The noise and smell of fireworks, plus the flashing lights seem reminiscent of WW1 and the schoolboys fighting in the trenches, scared too death no doubt, and dying like rabbits. Do you know how many died in that war? So I don't like fireworks, AND I have bought a British Legion poppy to remember the lost lives of that conflict and all those since. We must never forget.
November 1st back to top	have you googled I looked up erix on Google, then Google images - here's one... There are so many sites, I was surprised. Completely international, but then the net is of course global. I couldn't imagine how many uses there were for the word, and how many different types of web site there were. When I looked up my full name on Google I was even more surprised how much information there is about one - for all to see. I have been quite active on the Internet over many years, and its all there. Things I had forgotten, and things I wish I could forget! So many millions of net users around the world. We are all brothers and sisters on the planet - will world wars even occur again. There are plenty of local conflicts around the world, I know, but if we - the people could somehow come together and show we have the power, not politicians, then things would be very different. Perhaps a virtual world government. Let's do it. I looked up erix on Google, then Google images - here's one... There are so many sites, I was surprised. Completely international, but then the net is of course global. I couldn't imagine how many uses there were for the word, and how many different types of web site there were. When I looked up my full name on Google I was even more surprised how much information there is about one - for all to see. I have been quite active on the Internet over many years, and its all there. Things I had forgotten, and things I wish I could forget! So many millions of net users around the world. We are all brothers and sisters on the planet - will world wars even occur again. There are plenty of local conflicts around the world, I know, but if we - the people could somehow come together and show we have the power, not politicians, then things would be very different. Perhaps a virtual world government. Let's do it.
	parties As we approach the dreaded party season, think I will hibernate for the period. Last night went to a Halloween party, wore this silly hat (belonging to my dear friend Donna - see pic) with "scary" beetle on top, and got bored to death by a talkative neighbour, drank too much and staggered home - luckily only a short distance. At least I slept well. Hate the "must have a good time" emotions of hosts. You get this on holiday as well. Perhaps I don't want to. Why should I spend my valuable time, mostly listening to other people's nonsense. Some people just have to TALK. Why? Listening and hearing what they say is a real struggle, so I turn off and enter my party mode presence. That's why I often do a guest appearance only for these events. At least then they can't complain you never went.
October 21st back to top	the final humiliation My first text greeting of the day came from XX - "morning". How great I thought. After a few more we agreed to meet out at 12 noon. I did some shopping, and just after twelve phoned him. He said he would meet me for coffee at Nero (somewhere we had been twice before). He would arrive in about 15 minutes. I was there in good time, and sat outside with my cappuccino. I waited over half an hour, then tried his mobile again. Switched off! What to make of this? He seemed so genuine. He had wanted to come to mine, but I said that after yesterday I was unwilling to wait around for him again. I needed to get out. OK it seemed. Now I am thinking he is either mental or evil. I can't imagine ever meeting him again after this. What a tragedy. Only yesterday he had said by text "don't leave me because I love so much ..."
October 20th	first anniversary Well it would have been - one month since I met new boyfriend - XX. But he didn't show - again. Said he tried to send a text ... I said that I didn't want to see him as he had messed me about so much. Loads of texts and phone calls from him asking me not to leave him as he loves me so much. Eventually agreed that we would meet and talk things through. He has got a lot of explaining to do, and will meet on neutral ground to see what he has to say. I believe he does "love" me, but is so immature that he is not really sure what love is, and also is very easily distracted. He thinks he can lie his way out of any situation. I think love is about trust, respect and wanting to share ... sadly he has none of these qualities. However I still have Hugo, my monkey. See the pic, he's very excited about Christmas already!
October 17th back to top	web cam My first web cam - result herewith. A Microsoft product, but had to download the software, as although it said compatible with Vista, it wasn't. It works OK, and in conjunction with messenger will be fine, but at present don't have anyone to communicate with! No doubt with my gay dating activity I will in time. It's an odd thing seeing yourself on screen. Is this what being a TV presenter is about. In time you are less conscious, but when you are looking at the camera lens you can't quite see yourself properly. Look back quickly at the screen and you can see a flicker of movement because of the nano-second delay. I am not sure how lip-sync will be when I use the video.
	all white? For ages I fantasised about having bedding that was completely white. With the new bed - now's the time. So I have been shopping! An interesting thing happened ... remember I wrote about cosmic ordering last month, well I had to order a white duvet cover as it was out of stock at my local Marks and Spencer store. I needed two of everything because of washing, so when I had put the first cover on the duvet the all white bed looked just as if it was in a hospital! Oh dear. I realised I had to have the duvet covered in colour to contrast with the white - the picture is of a new American cover which although reduced, was well over budget! Anyway, having ordered the white cover from M&S, and now not wanting it, what would I do. Should I just not collect it (not paid for), contact them to cancel or what. In the end I decided to call for it as it could cover a spare Summer duvet. Well, when I got there I was told I had missed the collection window. What a relief, but I still complained to the manager about poor customer service. Stupid.
	That's Hugo The new bed arrived. The first one for a very long time as I have been sleeping on the floor. That's because my old futon collapsed many years ago and as I so enjoyed the "low life" and couldn't afford a bed at that time, got used to sleeping on the floor. I recommend it for many reasons, particularly for one's back, and of course you can never fall out of bed! But one is conscious of drafts, so beware. The new one has an ortho mattress, and is comfortable, but the duvet keeps slipping. I have a double size so it doesn't let in cold air but it is not a perfect system. That's Hugo in bed (not the new boyfriend). He's a rather loveable cuddly monkey, almost life size. He slips into bed as soon as I get out... well I couldn't sleep with a monkey!!!
	In the desert I have felt that I've been "in the desert" recently, as the boy I fell in love with (and who said he loved me...) has disappeared into the sunset. It was a gradual event, starting with his mobile being switched off, then missed appointments for meetings, then lies AND promises that it would never happen again, but it did! My last text message to him said that "he was breaking my heart". Since then I have been unable to call or text him. There has been no response. So its over. I've been dumped - without being told. OK. If I bump into him, or see him from afar, how will I handle it? It is hard at times, being in places where we have special memories. However, having found love again and experienced the greatest human emotion I need more, so I have joined a couple of gay dating sites. A flurry of activity to start, but it soon dwindles, so I don't know what is to become of me.
September 30th back to top	Josh While staying in mid Sussex last week, I read that Josh, just 16 had run and won the local sponsored race for the local hospice. Now the amazing thing is that dear Josh's mother had died of cancer in that hospice a few months before. He said he did it for her, and that he felt her presence. I think this must have been one of the most difficult and yet worthwhile activities for this young man. I am sure he will always remember this day and hopefully he can now move on with his life, while remembering his late mother with obvious great affection. Well done Josh, you are a brilliant example to us all, and I am sure your life will be all the better for the experience. I am confident you will live a wonderful life and mirror your mothers achievement in helping to make you what you are.
	Black is the new black I always wear black clothes - except when I wear a white top! I have done so for many years and find it a conversation item as people will always make comments about it. Is is a fashion statement, they ask, or are you depressed? NO to both questions. I like being alternative in an urban sense, and love shopping for something new in black - this confuses most people. It is so easy now to find new and exciting items at easy prices. I love looking in designer shops, where you never see another customer, and the assistant or probably manager/owner spends all day trolling up and down to tidy and arrange the often small amount of stock. They always seem to resent me browsing, and sometimes follow me to straighten items! Bless.
September 23rd back to top	Be careful what you ask for Its called cosmic ordering by some, perhaps just being very positive about your life as well. I have proved it works for me. When you desire something (good) believe the universe will give it. Ask seriously, perhaps by writing it down and putting the piece of paper in a special place. It can be very quick, or take so long that you had almost forgotten you asked for it. I have asked for two things this year, one to move house (achieved last month) and the other to meet and fall in love with a young man (yes, I am gay). I described the person in outline, and last week I was walking to a local bus stop, when sitting there was the person I had dreamed of. Literally our eyes met, we started talking and well ... As it happened he had been looking for an older person to love, and be loved by. I'll let you know how we get on, but today was a very sad parting, with tears, as we shall be apart for five days. Because I am so much older than him, I am anxious about a long term commitment, and letting my emotions take over - for both our sakes. But as I said in an early post, living for the present is the most important thing.
	What would you do What do you do when you know something is wrong or bad, and you could have an influence, but would you? I was travelling on a train yesterday, when the ticket inspector appeared. A passenger near to me had got on the train many miles previously, but when asking to pay for a ticket to his destination, said that he had boarded the train at the previous stop. I could have questioned this out loud, and perhaps the ticket inspector would have pursued the correct fare. Various alternatives flashed through my mind, but in the end I decided to say nothing, during or after the inspector's visit. It was up to my fellow passenger to do the right thing, although like shop-lifting it adds to the cost of goods and services. I am not a policeman I thought as I tried to justify my non-action.
September 18th	Tranquility Couldn't achieve a zen moment, so opted for tranquility (prefer the American spelling). A state of mind I decided, is something inside me that can happen wherever I am, and whatever I am doing. Something I can induce with practice - yes, a state of tranquility is good. Need constant practice though as one can allow things to upset, and annoy, but only if YOU allow it. Try to be detached from everyday negative situations, imagine yourself protected by a large invisible bubble of love and energy to protect and sustain you. Maintain this protection with good, positive thoughts and actions. Try it.
September 16th back to top	Zen The most amazing word, and much abused - but understandably so. I often use the word, but without actually being able to express its meaning, so I did some research. It is part of Buddhism, and means several things connected with meditation, enlightenment and self knowledge. The aim seems to be about perfection, and this explains why the word is cleverly used in the world of technology. Yet there seems to be the zen of ...anything. You of course have a Zen Buddhist, you could certainly have a zen garden, be a zen master, or even have a zen moment. I think I'll have one of those, right now!
	Influence of writers As a young person I was a great reader, and discovered then some writers that still influence my life today. These were the three authors that had the greatest effect ... Thomas Merton - Trappist monk, taught me so much about life, spirituality and of course the religious life. John Seymour - self sufficiency pioneer, wrote about an ideal way of life in the country with animals. R M Lockley - naturalist and island lover, inspired me to care for the earth
	Early love of books My father had an amazing collection of books, and I suppose this was the big influence on my early life, and how I came to love the printed word. A book is a most incredible thing - complete in itself, a bit like the human body - with a life of its own and similarly ageing. I was school librarian, and my first job was in a library. Later I worked in bookselling, and as an amateur publisher, managed one title, forever preserved in the British Museum. There seems to have been a general decline in reading, yet as many books are published. Reading on a computer screen will never be the same will it?
September 14th	Give up smoking After a lifetime of on and off smoking - pipe, cigars and roll-ups, I finally gave up smoking on January 14th 2007 at 2pm! Something I should have managed long before, but better then than later. I hate the smell of smoking and the smokers as well. I can now detect a smoker at a great distance. I will never smoke again, and wish that others would also. I know how difficult it can be, and most smokers I have known actually wished they could give up the habit.
	Maddy Is this the tragedy of the decade? Dearest child Madeleine, so innocent, so beautiful, so charming... what has become of you. What happens to so many little innocents throughout the world who lose their childhood, and maybe their lives. Let us remember them. Let us protect them. Let us pray for them. Think too, of families and siblings affected. The terror of parents losing a child, or worse perhaps not knowing what happened to them. We all have a part to play. Let us wish for a happy outcome.
	Fame for five Remember Craig Warmsley, finalist in the ITV1 "Britain's Got Talent" show held during the early summer - well I do! What an astounding performance with his twirling, but he wasn't good enough according to the judges, and the eventual well deserved winner was opera singer, Paul Potts. Craig's life was very special for a short time. I wonder what long term effect this had on him, and what is he doing now. Is he working in Tesco? So many people crave celebrity status (in many cases without talent) and where does fame get you?
September 13th back to top	Ultimate trip I've only been once, but it was certainly the trip of a lifetime. It was many years ago now, but many of the memories are still vivid. I had saved my leave and my money to have 5 weeks away - on the other side of the world. I flew via America to get there, and returned through Asia. I became a member of the Mile High Club as well! As a boy I had crafted a large model of the Sydney Harbour Bridge in balsa wood (which won the major prize) and always dreamed of a visit. I planned the trip in advance, booking train and plane to see as much as possible. From Sydney I took the 3-night ride to Perth. Then Alice Springs, Adelaide and Melbourne. I travelled light, discarding and replacing as necessary. I visited friends and family, made new friends and vowed to return - but I haven't!
	Michelangelo's David If you've been to Venice, you have probably also been to Florence. If you've been there you will have seen what I consider to be the greatest statue in the world - David. There are 3 of these in Florence. Towering above the crowds, his lifelike marble creation comes to life from any angle. Michelangelo was certainly a man of miracles. Rarely has one person left so much for us to marvel at, and his influence remains after hundreds of years.
	Best film, probably Probably my favourite film, Death in Venice directed by Visconti and starring Dirk Bogarde, captures the obsession of desire brilliantly. With superb filming, scenery and of course the music of Mahler it has to be one of the best films ever. I must have watched this a dozen times, and yet I am ready to see it again - surely the mark of a great film. What happened to Bjorn?
	Favourite city Think of a collection of islands in a lagoon, complete with medieval buildings and a history to match. Rich with art and culture, yet no cars to pollute. It has to be Venice. Surely the most romantic and beautiful city - anywhere. It was love at first site, after leaving the coach and walking. Many visits later the same feelings improve my emotions. This was the place where I had my first cappuccino - in St Mark's Square. The march of time, with global warming is threatening the place - see it before you die.
	Glastonbury For those following an alternative lifestyle, Glastonbury is the place to be. I have visited and stayed several times, and always find it a relaxing and enjoyable experience. What an achievement to reach the top of the Tor, rather exhausting though! Full of history and legend, Glastonbury offers something for everyone. I last stayed at The Chalice Well, which offers very peaceful accommodation.
	Cornwall now How I have loved my holidays in Cornwall, but nowadays the county seems to be overtaken by rich second-homers who arrive, live a playboy existence and then depart until the next time, without contributing anything. It seems like Mayfair-on-Sea. The locals exist on minimum wages, often have several jobs and cannot afford housing where they would like to live. So they leave. What future then, with a high percentage of empty properties most of the year, what of the heritage and culture. Is Cornwall to be a playground for outsiders? I don't go to Cornwall anymore. There are too many people, and too many chips!
	Bruno In spite of my hatred for flying, I would do it one more time to see dear "Bruno". He was the dog I met and befriended (mostly him to start with) during my stay on Porto Santo. He had apparently been abandoned the previous summer by a Madeiran family, and was living rough. His presence was barely tolerated by the hotel staff, but he hung around for food and attention. We took to each other, and spent most of the time together. He walked with me everywhere. I called him Bruno, because it seemed appropriate, and if I did want to be alone he would always find me and make me feel guilty! I dreaded the last day, and having to say goodbye to Bruno, but amazingly he did not appear on the morning of my departure. I looked, but never saw him again - was he watching from afar I wondered. With tears in my eyes, I didn't look back as the taxi made its way to the airport. If ever I returned, would he recognise me, would he remember me - I think so.
	Porto Santo Imagine a small desert island in the Atlantic Ocean - yes it exists, try Porto Santo off Madeira. I stayed here in January 2006 for two magical weeks. Off season is best, but be quick, as building development is rapidly spoiling the island.
September 12th back to top	Favourite island This is my favourite island - Lundy in the Bristol Channel, off the north Devon coast of England. I have visited several times, and stayed at the small hotel (now self catering accommodation). Read more about Lundy.
	Favourite painting My favourite painting is "Christ of St John of the Cross" by Salvador Dali. I saw the original in Glasgow Art Gallery some years ago.
	Blog For many years I have heard of a "blog" without realising exactly what it was. Social networking sites were a mystery, and I had to ask a friend what web 2.0 meant. Perhaps this is my "second life" as I re-discover the joys of early Internet from the nineties, when Netscape was King, and everything on the web seemed to be free! I was so proud of my understanding of HTML, and my ability to write a web page. If only I had kept some of those early domain names! Age related memories include the launch of Windows 95, DVDs and now, several PCs later I am enjoying a Renaissance with my Blog. Perhaps I should read other peoples blogs to see if I am doing it right - no, think it best to continue in ignorance. Perhaps this is the start of that book that I had always promised myself? Suppose no one ever reads what I have said, will it matter. Not initially I presume, but I am sure I will soon be telling people of my blog, and politely asking if they have one. I have never maintained a diary, but now I am sure I can, and plan to write every day - we shall see.
September 11th	First time Today I started the first day of the rest of my life, and at my age there are a lot less ahead than in the past, but as a very positive person I think only about the NOW and not about past earth life that I cannot change. I enjoy my life and struggle with the the same challenges as you. I try to learn from everyday experiences, and value the opportunity to accept good and bad, true and false. I am thankful for the internet, and the wonderful world we share - I wish we cared for our planet a bit more though!