e r i x l i f e - blog - photos - and more

Friday 30th November 2007

house prices down
Today's report of property actually losing money each day, must come as a shock to everyone. Mind you it has been predicted for years. The predicted crash follows the American credit problems in the summer, and I remember when I had a flat in London! Sold it at auction because I was short of money, never expecting the incredible rises since. Years later after my business failure, I was once again left with nothing. That's why I live modestly now, but appreciate the better things of life - the spiritual not physical. The more things you have the more you have to worry about.

Thursday 29th November 2007

relaxing now
The tension has gone, BP is down, and no dating. The last few remaining leads I have abandoned, and will see what happens in the future. They say if you look too hard, you will not find! Feel just so relaxed. Might leave Caffmos, and maybe still look at some other sites, but without any commitment. Great.

Thursday 29th November 2007

meetup
Not going to talk about any web sites unless they directly impact my life - Meetup will. Discovered this by surfing and I think it is the answer to launch my group. Established some years, and now global they specialise in helping organisers set up groups to actually meet people. Think of an interest, and its yours. Everything is fairly local so that people can get together and share their combined interest. So watch this space...

Wednesday 28th November 2007

massage tuition
Going to divert some of my energy into running small massage tuition workshops here. Good way to meet people and pursue a passionate interest of mine. Just two students at a time, so that they can practise on each other under supervision. I will demonstrate strokes and talk them through each stage of a full body massage. I have taught in the past doing one-day training courses, and I have found that people who want to learn have the right attitude, and can easily learn the basic strokes. Continuity and pressure are the key points. I like to think of giving a good massage as a hand ballet.
Swedish or sensual massage for relaxation is what I leant and teach. Both men being in the nude is always best. Apart from anything else, using oil for the massage potentially means mess, so be careful of the container - don't knock it over on the carpet.

Tuesday 27th November 2007

harassment
Its happened to me, and many, many other people. Sexual harassment. From friends, relatives and workers. I've recently given up a friendship from an older gay man, because of this. Years ago I rather stupidly did a strip tease for his partner's birthday party, and as I was staying in their rather large country house, had an unwelcome visit to my bedroom late that night. Bear in mind that his partner of twenty years is asleep in the west wing! Just because I took my pants off and exposed my bum, does not mean that I am "available". He disagreed and said that it was my fault that HE was attracted to me, and he wanted me! So what, I didn't want him. I had to forcibly eject him from my room, bolt the door - and I left the following morning.
Now, his partner has died, and I used to stay at the house, but each time I was showered with presents and told how much he "loved" me. Of course all he wanted was my body - to control me... body and mind. He was a bully, and only if victims realise this and stand up for themselves, will they survive. Be strong. I did, but now I don't see him any more! He needed me more than I needed him. Do not ever feel guilty either. Be free.

Tuesday 27th November 2007
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speed of time
Do you think it is possible that time can be faster or slower? Yes. It may be a perception, which has I believe been scientifically measured. String theories and all that. Quite fascinating, but my concern now is that as I get older, time seems to go quicker! How did I ever manage to do all those things, and go to work when I was younger. I have always enjoyed a full eight plus hours of sleep. I usually had weekends free, but ...
Memory is perhaps a factor here. I am not sure, but as a semi retired person, I should be more in control of my time. No, time controls me still. I feel I have to go out in the mornings, and be home in the afternoon!
If I miss a bus, I do not fret, as I will not run for it. What do I do with all the "extra" time I should have at my disposal. There isn't any. I make lists, and try to manage my time, but time always wins!

Monday 26th November 2007

gallery
Have you seen the new erixlife gallery? A selection of tasteful - mainly nude, adult male images. Never pornographic, but maybe erotic. The first gallery will always be black and white. This will be updated often and later galleries will probably be in colour. If you wish to appear here, please contact me. I am a very keen photographer, or you may have your own images. The theme is the joy of male nudity.

Sunday 25th November 2007

decorations
Wonderful Christmas decorations in the Harlequin Centre, Watford, where I was this morning doing some Christmas shopping. I love shopping! So many amazing bargains right now - pre Christmas sales, but they won't actually say the word. Sundays are good for shopping, not quite so many people, not so much traffic, and no rowdy students on the bus. They come and go to college at all times of the day. The ugly girls all seem to do beauty therapy and lug enormous bags or cases around with them - won't make any difference dear!
A month until Christmas Day, but I will not have any decorations apart from one small plastic tree that my father bought in Gamages, like 50 years ago! So nostalgic am I? Don't often put my cards up. My card has been created - you'll have to wait until Christmas Day to see the image ... Hugo actually. Send less each year and the number of presents has declined as well. Have created special calendars for two cousins - each with a pic of the month - me !!! Well I don't see them, so thought they'd love to see me on their walls.

Saturday 24th November 2007

frost
This morning was very cold, with frost everywhere. From previous experience I actually wore four layers today and was comfortable. The first time ever. Long sleeve T shirt, V neck jumper, body warmer and thick cotton top. Plus gloves without finger ends (given to me by a girlfriend many years ago) and an embellished sort of baseball cap. I bought this from Next, and when I got home discovered the edge of the peak was frayed in several places. I returned it to the shop, and was horrified when the girl (they are all teenagers, even the manager) said it was meant to be! I was speechless, but since have discovered many new items in a ragged state! ...What can I say?

Saturday 24th November 2007
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bus nightmare
I just wanted a peaceful journey to Aylesbury to do some Christmas shopping. The journey was so bad (for me) that I got off at Berkhamsted (half way there). On the top deck - lots of empty seats, now I know why, were sitting the dysfunctional family of the year. Adults at the front, and miscellaneous children at the back. Both parties were playing loud house music on their ipods (I suppose) but it was different ... can you imagine.
Mother kept shouting back "What..." when one of the kids wanted to speak to her. Try living next door to them. I was a member of the Noise Abatement Society as I have always dreaded noise. I've had my fair share of noisy neighbours, and vow never to live in a flat again. That's the worse. Luckily I now live in a semi-detached bungalow, with the bedroom protruding from the rear - three sides to the garden. Heaven, and actually my neighbour is a dear old lady, who asks me every time I see her, if I can hear her tv. That's what is missing. Respect!

Friday 23rd November 2007

gay or straight
Male sexuality is a fascinating subject isn't it. A TV play last night highlighted two butch looking builder types, one married with a family who is easily seduced by a straight acting single gay man. How wonderful to be able to see men kissing intimately on television! Anyway trouble develops for one and both, particularly as they live in a very bigoted northern city. Not named, but could be anywhere. Gay discrimination is alive and well ...
Many people live their lives as a lie, suppressing natural same sex urges, and appear to live unhappy and unfulfilled lives with wifey! When I was a full time masseur in London, most of my clients were married men who wanted uncomplicated contact with another male - and to shoot their load! Then back home, until the next time. Many were regulars, and said I saved their marriage - so I suppose I was performing a social service!!!

Friday 23rd November 2007

still looking
Haven't found Mr Right, mainly because I have temporarily stopped working at it. Emails to answer and phone calls to make. In a comfort zone at the moment, post-depression and re-discovering old ways (food etc) but determined tomorrow, to catch up and re-launch myself. People won't come knocking at my door, must do something positive about it. Making telephone calls (and answering them) has always been a nightmare for me. There is a name for this condition, and have received hypno-therapy, but improvements only short lived. I can trace many career failure on this one thing. During therapy I revealed that during school holidays when friends would ring each other to pass on news, no-one called me - well that's what I "remember", so may have a deep complex about this, which also reflects other issues! Who's perfect?

Friday 23rd November 2007

first present
Hugo is "modelling" the first Christmas present, a bar stool from Donna. A DIY from Argos, but well designed and sturdy. See the breakfast bar - now I can eat in style, instead of the tray on lap! Ordered two more today so I can entertain. Reckon me plus two guests at a time will be enough. All spend today as the desk lamp died, so found a cheapie in Wilkinson - £10, and its superb. Small cool neon type bulb with very white light, so ideal for pc work. Also anti-virus AVG must have been infected, kept playing up, so re-joined Trend Micro's pc-cillin. This was my very first anti-virus program, which I adored and had for many years. Glad to be back with them. Now feel really protected. Easy (paid for) download, and quick complete install without any problems.

Thursday 22nd November 2007

depression
Getting over the recent bout of depression, which has haunted me all my life. Sparked by visit last week to friend in Sussex. I got very angry at his words and actions, and stood up for myself. He is a very controlling person who always blames others. He said I was very testy on the phone after my return, so I sent him a long letter saying that I would not be so testy if he ... (listing 12 things) would stop being/doing. Felt better for that but the long term repercussions may be various. Do I care?
Bought a steamer with a resolve to eat more fresh vegetables, and made a fresh fruit cocktail which is delicious. Will I keep it up. If there is a choice between chocolate cake and fruit/vegetables, which do you think I would naturally choose, and YOU?

Thursday 22nd November 2007
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spidering
As we speak, the robots will be spidering! Have been busy submitting this site, and trying to get listing on blog search engines. Difficult. On one I registered, then submitted the details - because of the way it was phrased listed erixlife as "adult" then guess what, couldn't gain access to my listing or profile because there was no access to the adult section? However since then have been spammed, so ...
Busy re-listing this month's blog properly, with latest entry at the top. Hope it is easier to read now, with white background.

Wednesday 21st November 2007

top ten web #1
New series of my favourite and best internet sites ever...
First is Google. It doesn't need advertising does it. Has become the face of the net over the years, and a classic case of dot com success. Well done. From the very beginning, many tears ago when I first heard about Google it immediately became my most used search engine. Now it has expanded and offers the best image search, and a host of other features. So easy to use and quick, with regional editions it must be top of everyone's favourites list.

Tuesday 20th November 2007

rain, rain
Love it or hate it, the rain is essential, and we have had a lot recently. After a dry early Autumn it is now wet and cold. Glad I can choose when I go out. Waiting at the bus stop can be a bore, but with my cap, and extra layer, usually survive. Hate wearing too many clothes, and prefer cooler to hotter temperatures. Have this theory, that depending on your birthday you either like it hot or cold. Works with most people! Don't like umbrellas - not only do you need an extra hand when carrying the shopping but the slightest breeze and its gone - inside out. Then what do you do. Put the shopping bags down on the wet pavement I suppose. That means you can't put them on your lap when you are sitting on the bus.
Have you noticed how the inside temperature on a bus is conversely opposite to the outside temperature. I find most buses have heating down the left hand side (as you face forward) so you know what to do.

Tuesday 20th November 2007

near Christmas
Close to Christmas, and in all the shops the aisles have narrowed with extra merchandise, and trolleys seem to have got bigger, so there are problems getting around in most stores. Hate it. OK like the decorations in some shopping centres, but feel it starts too early, and think it is obscene what some families spend on food (probably half wasted - yet half the world is starving!) and even more on presents, especially for children. The status game starts early. They say it is pressure from the kids, but I feel mums try to be super mums with the spending. How many children do they have, and how many fathers? That's another thing.
I am sure most children actually spend longer playing with the box that it came in ...

Tuesday 20th November 2007

the chemist
To me its Boots THE chemist, but as with a lot of old high street names, they are struggling to keep ahead of the supermarket competition. Anyway, had been to the doctor for a prescription, so took it to local Boots for dispensing. Even if there is no one ahead of you - sometimes you see the same people you just saw in the surgery - they always say come back in ten minutes. I am sure that is so that you wander round the store and buy more things!
Can you ever find anything in Boots? They have so many items, and they are classified in a strange way - all decided at head office no doubt, as you see assistants with large shelf stock plans when they are filling up - I find it very difficult to find things.
However, when you ask an assistant (if you can find one!) they DO take you to the actual place which is excellent. trouble is you were just there, and missed it.

Monday 19th November 2007
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trolley rage
Right, you are in bed, not quite asleep but not really awake, and all those thoughts go through your mind. Memories of yesterday and years ago, all muddled. Well for no apparent reason, today one of the many topics includes trolley rage! The supermarket kind.
It doesn't quite happen with a hand basket, but the moment (mainly women) get behind the bar of the trolley, anything can happen. My most recent experience in Asda, concerned the husband of a married couple (assumed). I was at the checkout, displaying my wares modestly on the counter and waiting my turn to be scanned and pay. The gentleman (assumed) started nudging me with the front of his trolley as the wife placed their goods behind mine, but towering above in a menacing way. There was nowhere I could go, because of the customer in front of me. Again his trolley is pushing into my back, which I take as a non-verbal "hurry up".
By now the customer in front has gone, and I am being processed. While I am putting my goods in a "bag for life" this man has come around to the front to wait for the woman, and is again pushing himself towards me. Well I can tell you this was the nearest thing to a panic attack for a long time.
What saved the day for me (and him) was a loud friend arriving with his goods paid for. We trolled off to the cafe for caffeine in a cup.

Monday 19th November 2007

not another one!
Do you spend when you are are down. I do, if I can afford it. Found yet another duvet cover - divine isn't it, and very reasonably priced. Hugo is again modelling for the camera. Maybe I am depressed but with the long hours of darkness upon us I am taking to my bed more and more. Monday today and as it was darkish and rainy all day, stayed at home - and in bed until 4pm. Then of course when I did get up it WAS really dark - stupid!

Monday 19th November 2007

Reiki
Stubbed my toe while away in Sussex, very painful and not much you can do about it. The price to pay for walking around without shoes! According to myth Dr Mikao Usui, returning from Mount Karuna in Japan in the early part of the 20th century stubbed his toe, and self healed with newly discovered Reiki. This has become a world wide thing now, and I learned to become a Reiki Master in 2002. I established a healing centre in Worthing. Because of my complete non business approach to life, this venture failed miserably - from a financial viewpoint, but I hope the lives I touched are better for the experience. I don't practice Reiki anymore.

Sunday 18th November 2007

could have done better
Been away to Sussex for a few days, and while away Y from gumtree phoned every day. Because where I was staying had no mobile signal, I could only text replies when in a nearby town. In spite of the fact that he only telephoned me late each day (and probably wanted phone sex - again) at least he did phone! At first I thought he was rent, but he denied this, and yet he recently started talking about a Caribbean holiday!!!
I wonder if he is part of the modern virtual generation, he was shocked by my openness, and didn't seem keen to meet. All this put me off him, whereas maybe he could be a loving person - giving not taking.
When he phoned this morning I was shopping and it was very inconvenient. He then protested at constantly phoning me, without my returning his calls. I have a pay-as-you-go mobile, and it is just too expensive to call often. It is not convenient to have a contract. Why doesn't he have a landline number?
Anyway he sent a text saying he wouldn't phone me. So ... I am sorry.

Monday 12th November 2007

web site
Spent some hours today transferring the original photos from old Blogger blog to here. Decided to continue the tradition of a photo with each entry. If nothing else it breaks up a page of text. They say a picture is worth a thousand words! Will do index each month from now on, and build up to the end of the year then start again.
Began to submit url to search engines - a very long and painful task. Cold and damp here, so happy to be indoors doing this. Passionate about computers and the internet, but wouldn't want to spend hours chatting online. Don't use my web cam, ought to, but I feel it intrudes too much, and having "strangers" looking into my room is scary.
Years ago, when I first started looking at porn, I always imagined someone would appear on screen and tell me off for my wicked ways! Am I in denial. I don't think so.

Sunday 11th November 2007
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thoughts from the laptop
A useful day, updating the erixlife site, and indexing the old transferred blog from Blogger. Miss the images, but it may have been (sometimes) deciding what to say because of the picture! Now my mind is focussed strictly on the text in hand. (November 12th, original images saved and transferred!).
Had my siesta this afternoon. Nothing better than snuggling up under the duvet, and drifting away - well as there is no one to share my bed with ...
Still thinking about dating "ages" and now think I will open it up completely, and not have any "limits". Also favouring first timers as so many people just want a quick shag 'n go - that could be the name for an escort agency? At least people with little experience would perhaps be interested in a more meaningful encounter? I suppose I don't really mind one night stands (in spite of what I say) but as long as I don't feel like the "mistress". With role play and massage, a brief shared meeting of bodies is more acceptable, but cuddles and pillow talk can only work within a longer time frame. Often the first physical experience with someone is not the best.

Sunday 11th November 2007

Remembrance Day

Sunday, and one of those few occasions when the DATE falls on the DAY. I was shopping in Watford at The Harlequin Centre, and just seconds before 11 am, an announcement over the PA system invited shoppers to mark the two minute silence, by standing still and silently remembering the moment - the eleventh minute of the eleventh hour of the eleventh day ...
How utterly amazing - 90% of people - families with children, old folk, single mums, shop staff, security guards and a lonely bachelor froze for 120 seconds, and looked embarrassingly at others (while pretending not to). A very moving experience which I did not expect. At the sound of a door-bell type noise, the loudspeaker announcer thanked us for joining in, and everyone re-started their busy lives - for another year.

Saturday 10th November 2007

desperate

Updated Caffmos profile. Gumtree man may only be interested in remote contact? May not ever meet?
Tried new Gumtree ad, am I desperate or what? Had a few replies (am going to insist on photos before I reply, no excuses) but nothing suitable so far.
Had thought about joining a gay social group. Found one covering West Herts, but no response by Email. Without a car I am a bit limited for travelling. Shall I start my own group?

Friday 9th November 2007

pain of love
I have always been attracted to the beauty of youth, but after another broken heart, I think I must raise my lower age limit. My last relationship was with a dear boy of just 21. We loved so much, but had so little in common. Eventually he disappeared into the sunset, and I am on my own again. Ironically, after a long spiritual period, I had not thought I would fall in love again, and seemed content with my life - until we met! Having shared so much laughter, tears and intimacy, I now realise what I was missing.
Above all I desire the warmth of sharing a bed, the joy of cuddling and pillow talk. I am looking for a soul mate, a really close friend. Someone I can love, respect and trust. Someone I can share my life with, but it doesn't have to a "marriage" or living together.
I joined Gaydar, but soon left because its only young guys wanting young lovers. I joined Caffmos and after a massive interest, things have died down now. I must change my profile to reflect my current thinking.
I tried an ad in the local newspaper dating section - one reply, nice guy - but he only wanted a one night stand.
I put an ad in Gumtree, had two replies - one a plonker, and the other, a younger man of great interest. We are chatting on the telephone, but have not met yet. Here's hoping.