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 welcome to erixlife - blog - October 2008...share Eric's story in words and pictures |
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 Friday 31 October 2008  church event
Last night I went with neighbours to a local church event, and enjoyed a rare night outing by car. I find church people tend to be rather exclusive and rarely welcoming - unless there is a recruitment message. This was a chance to purchase Christmas cards and gifts from several Christian organisations. Nothing much appealed, but I did enjoy the home made cakes, mince pies, and a not so exciting coffee. There was a talk by a representative from a local hospice, but I had to ask where it was! I would have liked to ask if she was wearing a wig! The refreshment room was packed, and I think they under estimated the attendance numbers, because a caretaker type person was putting out extra chairs frantically, but because it was last minute, it was rather chaotic. I love that saying "Fail to prepare - Prepare to fail". We returned in the small 2 door, 4 seater, and as I had to sit in the rear, I had feelings of claustrophobic panic, but it was a short journey. The people there tended to be middle-aged to elderly, and I always imagine in these circumstances that everyone is a "parent" - i.e. older than me! Is this why I have always found it difficult to establish or maintain a relationship with a same age person. All my relationships have been with younger people. Now, all I want is love, but its not so easy is it...    tree views
Yes, I do love trees, and still experimenting with potential Christmas card images. I wanted to share this with you - the left image was taken by me back in the Spring, and is beautifully self explanatory. I only had one chance to get this shot - a windy night, and early sun combined to produce a dramatic carpet of cherry blossom lying on the grass. Now, look at the second image - the same, but with an infra red filter - instant snow eh? The bright sunlight is still clearly a factor, but the colour had faded to simulate the whiteness of light snowfall, with the "green" grass showing through the lighter snow under the tree. Snow pictures often look like black and white because of the colour contrasts. Now, should Christmas cards show seasonal pictures, well, no I don't think so. They can be anything you like. If you are particularly religious in a Christian sense, then I guess it should reflect one of the most important festivals of the church. But if you are like me, more in favour of the universe, then it could be anything. So I am still working on the picture, but maybe I will use up some of the many previous cards that I have produced, and now lay unloved in the drawer. Wait and see!  short list
I have been experimenting with one of my favourite images, using picnik and rather like this version (above). Its an office block in central Aylesbury - market town in Buckinghamshire. I first passed it many years ago when driving through the town, and always vowed to return. It took many years, but earlier this year I made the short pilgrimage to this "temple" in the woods. It was even better than I could have remembered. I stood in hushed silence, with a feeling of a mysterious and holy presence. Whilst it is clearly a modern structure built with great sympathy for the existing environment, it has the awesome quality of something "not quite human". I fantasized about it being a spaceship that had visited and stayed. Could it only be visible to me? Had I been abducted without my knowledge. No people were visible at the site, yet the surrounding grounds were immaculately maintained. Is this a parallel universe? So many questions... I have only ever seen this object (because it is easier to describe it in that sense) by day. I must come again after dark, and hope to see the light of energy emitting from its very being. I might experience oneness with the universe. It could be my last journey as I may never wish to return to my humble earthly existence. I feel so drawn to this space and time... I must return quickly... But, in the meantime, it is merely on my short list of Christmas card possibles!  early Christmas
No, I didn't win the Lottery last night, but I have started getting ready for Christmas - not my favourite time of the year, but I am preparing. I updated the database, which prints labels for my Christmas cards, and decided this year to send to lots of people I have lost touch with. I probably stopped sending because they didn't send one to me! But it may have been that they had just moved, or had another problem. Maybe it wasn't that they had dumped me, after all? We shall see. So a record number of cards will be sent this year. OK if they don't all respond, well its up to them isn't it. What I shall do with the list next year is another matter. A lot of people will get a surprise this year, and that's what Christmas should be about. Of course there are some exceptions. One or two are permanently deleted from the Christmas card list - never to return. There are decorations up in some towns, but every shop now has Christmas stock displayed - with increasing prominence as the countdown has begun. I find it hard to get excited about the Festive Season, and this time for many people it will be a difficult time because of the financial crisis, and wait for it "recession". Everyone has delayed using the word, but now it is inevitable. I have planned my Christmas present - the same to everyone (no, I'm not going to tell you - wait and see). For people who haven't visited me here, or haven't been for a long time, I am planning to make a video of the bungalow and surrounding area, so they can see what its like being here. I think they should enjoy that. I am waiting for a friend with a convertible car, and a sunny day, so I can film some moving shots. I'll do a piece to camera of course, and I am busy selecting my top 100 still pics to make a slide show to be included. I have the very realistic door wreath in a plastic bag, but there will be no other decorations. I may display the Christmas cards I receive. I am still working on ideas for my card, which I shall produce on the PC. Last year it featured Hugo, but am not sure what yet? I would hope it was a photo that I had taken, but have decided against a pic of me, because I've done that so often, people must be fed up - we'll see? I hope to be having Christmas dinner with a few special friends and neighbours. What are you doing?  first frost
After a chilly night, I awoke to the first frost of the Winter. Not heavy, but cold enough to freeze over the surface of the water in the bird bath. There was evidence too on the grass, in the trees and on the cars - of the cold hand of Winter. When I emerged from the bungalow with the day's jar of ready prepared seed, I was wearing a jumper over my T-shirt and pyjama bottoms, and I did not linger after disturbing the surface water to enable them to plunge (if they dared). Soon the sun was showing, with a blue sky - it looked very nice, but only when looking out through the double glazing and standing in front of a radiator. I switched on the one in the hall as it juts out, and is "air" on three sides, as there was condensation on the inside of the glass in the door. I had an extra portion of porridge from the microwave, and an extra cup of tea while watching the TV news, and despairing at the antics of highly paid presenters. I wonder why they always have to appear at the location of a news story. They often appear outside number 10, or another government building, when they could be telling their dreary tale from inside the studio - it can never be more interesting when an outside broadcast. I put the towels into the washer for doing, then I popped back into bed for a while (with the electric blanket) and waited until the bungalow had warmed up, before getting up proper. I did sleep quite well last night - aided by two Paracetamol tablets, sleeping through to 0600. Saw the movie Wimbledon last night on Freeview, so that would have helped. I could never imagine being interested in a "tennis" film, but of course it is really a love story. Yes, I cried (more than once). Great !  twisted check
The "name" of my new duvet cover from M & Co in Berkhamsted - (price reduced by two thirds) and yes its true, well it said "wobbly check" on the card insert, and it is peculiar isn't it, but at least I don't see it when I am in bed, and hopefully asleep. Taken out yesterday by friendly neighbour with car for local coffee and shopping trip. The sun was shining, and it was reasonably warm, so a great morning. In the afternoon, I spent nearly three hours clearing another (elderly and partly disabled) neighbours' gutters. They had not been seen to for many years, and there were even things growing in some places. I cleared the silt, leaves and other blockages, then rinsed each one with water from the watering can. Now all the gutters are clear, and the drains below as well. A job well done. I felt really satisfied, and pleased - especially as I did this task completely without any reward in mind. So Saturday was a complete success, and to finish it off, I had a telephone call from a friend who I hadn't expected to contact me again. Perhaps this is a turning point. None of my "problems" have actually gone away, but I am seeing many of them in a new perspective. For example, I have been stressing about the photographic aspect of pictures taken in my digital camera - like the one above. You see, I have been trying the 16:9 aspect, so people could watch my pics on their HD wide screen televisions. I make DVDs for a lot of people. I wish they had not invented 16:9. Why can't we just have 4:3. There is no doubt in my mind that pictures look stretched on modern TVs. And I proved it with my recent experimental set of photos, shown on a friend's new tv set. Horrible, and I immediately changed the aspect control on my camera - back to the original. Older productions looked OK as long as the pictures' aspect was selected by the viewer - but they of course are not full size on modern ones! I think my videos are shot in wide screen, and I must check this right away. I have enormous difficulties in editing and saving to DVD because of so many different encoding systems. And of course, burning to the blank media is also challenging. I have found that DVD-R is OK. Maybe I won't make it to Hollywood, after all? ironing video now over 1000 views (I won't mention it again!)
Wednesday 8 October 2008 s a d or what?
As Winter approaches - I feel showered by cold and dark emotions - my lights go on earlier, and I am wearing extra clothing. I don't want to go out or so often, and I get up later. I still go to bed "early" so my annual hibernation seems to have started. If I could afford it, I could feed my obsession by storing goods, and never go out again. Perhaps I could exist permanently with a credit card and the internet. How sad is this... My lingering depression (as always) started with a high note - the Cornish trip, but since then I have been sliding the slippery slope. One step up and two down. Yet in my gloom, a moment of great delight as I received a friendly email from an unexpected source, and suddenly a ray of sunshine brightened my life - thank you. I try not to be affected by world events, and that is partly why I ceased reading a daily newspaper, but one cannot escape the media bombardment about the current credit crisis. It is not that I have stocks and shares, or even savings, but the disruption to order is worrying. Everyone will be affected for many years to come... Reading is hard, tv watching is demanding and even surfing fails to satisfy me. I can't get out, I don't want to go out. Is it permanently temporary or temporarily permanent? I do not know. I will never need to call the Samaritans or anything like that, it is a very lite affair. I cannot console myself with food or drink, as there is never enough food to make a banquet, or any alcoholic bottles to pour (by choice). I am socialising a lot, and I expect you will have lots of good advice for me, but at present I am not able to listen or hear... Time will improve my sentiment, and my love of life will eventually turn the tide of shadowy thoughts and feelings. erixlife - the word
I prepared this video for wordia.com, but they only take established words, so you can view it now, and see how I came to use the word... ironing video now over 900 views  do I trust enough?
If only I could trust people more! I always thought I did, but more recently as my awareness of age had crept up upon me, and my inclinations have matured, I find I am more insular - not by desire, but by situation. Previously it was me that chased "the younger model" but then he was willing to be chased and caught, but now, with everything sagging, my attraction has gone. I am forced to accept the reality, and now I am "chased" by "the older model". This is something I find so hard to adapt to. I so wish to surrender in the arms of another, but I find the handbrake is on. As my interests become more spiritual than physical, this should be easier, but it is not. Why can't I relax, and trust - well there was a bad incident some years ago in Worthing, and now without my own transport, I get out less, particularly in the evenings, so my social life has diminished. I have tried so many internet sites without success. Yes, at first I lied about my age, but now I am true (to myself) and think people must accept me or not, for what I am. I seem to be getting to the stage of not even wanting that intimate embrace, yet I am not ready for the slippers and Horlicks. I have a randy, elderly admirer of 80 something, but if only he was a nicer person! He is arrogant, rude, aggressive (I could go on) so how can I love in return? To get to know another from afar is so difficult. There have been instances of people who let me down, made false promises, and just wanted to go home to their wife, and deny my existence. So no chance there? Because I know it won't happen by magic, and because I am feeling down, I am not making enough effort to get going again. So, what future then. Is it a lonely collection of memories, with occasional DIY, or will some Prince come by and whisk me away... ?  blood test results
The results came back OK, and for the first time I was given a print out - not that it meant a great deal. The interpretation is key to making it a great day or not... Well the tests concluded that I did not have diabetes, or anaemia or several other things, but that my cholesterol level was too high. We've all heard that from our GP, haven't we. I had given up the second of cholesterol reducing drugs because of bad side effects, so now its up to me. I am told I must watch the diet (like no fatty foods) and do more exercise. Yes I am actually "overweight", but flattering friends deny this. They don't see me in the shower do they? So (because I do take take serious note of what the Doc says!) I must try (again) to eat more fruit and vegetables. And, of course to cut out those seductive sweet things, that I adore. To congratulate myself, I have almost stopped buying cakes, biscuits, ice cream, ready made meals and desserts, but whenever I am out, I seem to make up for it. Because of the worrying fatigue (I think caused by irregular and reduced sleeping), I have started a daily Co Q10 tablet - for energy, and re-started mild sleeping tablets, so who knows, in a few weeks I might be a "new" person, lets hope so, as it has been a bit miserable just recently. Cheer up! I am trying to be positive about things. Medical tests are always worrying to some degree, but at least I am not having to visit the local hospital regularly, and I am thankful that I can get there under my own steam. So anyway I must "try harder"... That used to appear on my school reports - was it on yours? I'm so pleased for you that your results came back so positive. You have given so many of us so much pleasure with your ironing video now over 800 views
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 every completed monthly blog page, has a linked alphabetical index of entries - by title this month May 2009 (1) April 2009 (1) March 2009 (26) February 2009 (22) January 2009 (21) December 2008 (9) November 2008 (10) September 2008 (12) August 2008 (31) July 2008 (20) June 2008 (17) May 2008 (16) April 2008 (19) March 2008 (28) February 2008 (29) January 2008 (33) December 2007 (48) November 2007 (28) archived from Blogger (41) see my photo & video hosting sites please link to erixlife <!--start erixlife link--> <a href="http://www.erixlife.net/blog.html"><img src="http://www.erixlife.net/erixlife-blog80x15.gif" border="0" height="15" width="80" alt="erixlife - blog - photos and more"></a> <!--end-->  see whose linked INDEX OF ENTRIES (12) October 2008 alphabetical order blood test results church event do I trust enough? early Christmas erixlife - the word first frost Royal Albert Bridge s a d or what? short list Tamar Road Bridge tree views twisted check |