e r i x l i f e - blog - pictures - and more

Thursday 29 October 2009

Hugomania
At last Hugo has his own web page and email hugo@erixlife.net
The new page features many never seen before photos, links to his starring roles in YouTube videos, some little known facts, with more items to be added soon. Fridge magnets may be available for the discerning shopper.
I hope you will check this out, and he will love to hear from you, but may not be able to respond to every email. Thanks for your tolerance!

Tuesday 27 October 2009
see the photo album

Hugo at Lovat Fields
There is no stopping Hugo now, he just can't wait to get out, and much to the delight of the residents at Lovat Fields in Milton Keynes we went together to see this mega retirement village featured on TV as Silverville. Just off the M1 motorway is this purpose built complex set in nearly six acres. Beautifully designed, with great attention to details, it comprises flats and bungalows for over 200 lucky residents. Applications are only accepted from local people who are aged over 55.
Hugo and I chatted to many people - most approached us, because of him. They all seemed very happy with their life and would not leave. They cater for all levels of care, and for the majority of independent guests there is an unlimited programme of activities. There is great scope for volunteer assistance, and all interests are catered for. There are many social activities, and an excellent restaurant, plus bar and coffee/snack area.
Many rooms are dedicated to permanent activities, like the library, laundrette, gym, shop, computer room and Wellness centre... and loads more!
All this costs money, and although some can rent, the majority are those who have sold properties, so now have capital in the bank. A surprising number are married couples, and there were masses of parked cars. I hear there are many widows - but are they "rich" widows?
I can be quite entertaining... as long as you are not too demanding. Applications accepted by email !!!

Monday 26 October 2009

carpet children
It is 0400, and I am awake (again) but this time I am drinking tea and watching television. I choose an investigative programme about child labour in India and Nepal, and I am quickly sobbing with horror, as pictures of young children working in carpet factories hit the screen. A young emotional woman is fronting this documentary, and in front of them all is the little person doing sign language, sometimes obscuring the language translation sub titles!
Tears roll down my face as I see the plight of these, often pre-teen children working in slave labour conditions for perhaps 14 hours a day. They receive food and are allowed to sleep on the premises. The manager being interviewed states nonchalantly that this is an apprenticeship? However it is illegal as well, but poor third world governments are reluctant and unable to go against the culture of centuries, for financial reasons.
The film traces the story of a boy rescued from "imprisonment" after intervention by the police. Charity workers are forced into mindless bureaucracy to achieve their aims of helping children receive an education and of course their freedom - to grow and play. Many of these children are withdrawn and small for their age. Often they have been kidnapped or sold by their parents. Such is the way of life here, but it is very distressing to watch.
A young girl is freed from domestic slavery, and so it goes on...
I think we need to be aware, when we buy cheap clothes, shoes, and carpets etc that often it is only so because of exploited young children whose lives have been stolen from them!
We should not support this, should we.

Sunday 25 October 2009
watch the video
see photos

zoo
Think of a zoo, and cages come to mind unfortunately, but at Whipsnade - the country zoo of the Zoologiocal Society of London (ZSL) they have open space - not enough even so, in my opinion, but it is more like a safari park than a zoo. London Zoo is in Regents Park, but Whipsnade is perched high on top of a hill near Dunstable in Bedfordshire. In spite of that it is always nearer than you think, and we got there in half an hour.
For my first visit, the sun was shining - a perfect October day. A group of us were travelling in a minibus, so we were able to drive through the zoo, park at will and wander. There was an extra charge for this, and I thought the entrance fee was expensive as well. Food and gifts were also at premium prices. The arrangements were satisfactory, but more visible staff would have been useful. The free map of the location was inadequate, not to scale and rather confusing. Some attractions looked a distance, but turned out to be near, and vice versa.
However we came to see the animals, and the train (but that is only available at weekends because it is the off season). There is certainly a vast collection of wild creatures, and it would be difficult to see everything in one visit. In fact, quite overwhelming, and one has decide which to see. At first we drove aimlessly around (because of navigation problems) with oohs and aahs from passengers when someone saw something of interest. There were some animals wandering freely, and this was a delight to see. My favourites were the elephants - including a baby one, and meerkats - but only four in a small enclosure. The elephants were able to roam, but their field was only the size of a football pitch. At one point they were seen touching tusks over a fence with another group. I don't know why they were separated. The baby one was protected by the whole group.
Hugo came along, and enjoyed being spoilt by our group. For safety he stayed in the minibus, and looked out of the window. When we stopped near some deer, one was frightened when he saw Hugo looking at him! I can't think why. Hugo was very tired as he rarely goes out, but loved seeing it all.
We also got close to lions, but at this point when filming, the camera turned out to be "off", and I thought it was on! How stupid is that. It was on standby and in my excitement I was holding it up, looking into the live viewfinder, but not actually filming - so disappointing. Another time, eh!

Saturday 24 October 2009

is it secret?

Unfortunately, but logically, the only way to keep a secret is NOT to tell anyone! It is hard isn't it - you want to impart some snippet of information or the latest hot gossip, and will tell them IF they "promise" not to pass it on. As you almost reluctantly utter the words, you just know this is not going to be kept a secret... Well, you may justify your actions, after you have spilled the beans, that perhaps no one will know it was you that said it?
Most times the first person you tell, will say the same thing to the next person about not repeating this news to a living soul, but they do. Human nature I suppose, but after bitter experience - time and time again (will I ever learn?) I regret passing on verbal stuff. At least this is better than putting something in writing. That email WILL come back and bite you in the leg. Never do it that way.
There is a fine line between being trusted as a friend, and being the office gossip, whom no one will ever confide in. Rumour can very quickly become "fact". I was working in a provincial theatre once, and with her permission, we started a rumour that she was pregnant, and would have to leave the company to have the baby. It got round in 12 minutes, which seemed like a world record. It took one brave soul to ask if it was true, and we knew. Often the facts become so distorted, it is like having a feral baby oneself. Things easily get out of control, don't they?
You can become a popular hero, when you have the latest info, and people will praise and respect you, BUT it is often a slippery slope, and perhaps not worth the stress of maintaining this delicate position within your organisation or peer group.
It is easy to be tricked to impart vital information if the other person says they already "know" when they don't. Check out any claim of this nature, and make sure you are both talking about the same topic, or it could be a disaster for you! You can't tell just one person, without telling them all. It may be just an overheard comment, but I would say it has to private OR public.
I suppose that if no one told you something private, then you couldn't pass it on, could you - best to enquire whether it is secret, or not?

Friday 23 October 2009
more photos

Waddesdon return
I never expected to return so quickly, but I had the chance yesterday, and as the weather seemed OK, off we went. This time I had my mobility scooter, as I have been suffering after pushing the wheel chair during the last visit, and my knee is very painful. Also this is a hilly location. I was inspired by our visit last week, and received an early birthday present - annual membership of The National Trust, so the trip was to celebrate that. The membership card arrived just before our departure, but they had already sent me a temporary email membership authority.
The day was mildish and overcast, rain was forecast for later in the day, but that gave us several hours. As it happened there was a heavy shower around lunchtime, and my scooter seat got drenched, but the lady at the tea kiosk kindly gave me some paper towels to avoid a wet bottom.
I was able to explore the many woodland paths, and enjoyed the peace in those secluded positions. Being a weekday towards the end of the season meant not many visitors around the park. I expect the house was busy though. The changing colour of the trees was a great joy to observe, and I hope to come again next month, before the winter closure.

Thursday 22 October 2009

badges
Observant readers of erixlife blog have noticed the appearance of pin badges, attached to my favourite shoulder bag - as seen in recent photos, and written to enquire their meaning and purpose. Well there's not a great deal of "purpose" but I suppose I am a reluctant collector of these attractive items. This is all I have at present, and I may collect more, but the size of the shoulder bag does limit the quantity.
So, from the top, here is what they are: The National Trust, a Children's Hospice, Shopmobility, Hatfield House and Costa coffee. Some were given and some purchased. Amazingly they have attracted the attention of people on the street, and I have been asked what a particular badge meant. Its like taking a dog for a walk - you will certainly talk to many other dog owners.
I am not a natural collector of anything, but do selectively buy the occasional fridge magnet. Again, room is the problem with any collection, and I've only got one fridge, so If I acquire one, I usually give one away to a friend. I used to collect books, videos and DVDs but to what purpose. You can only view one at a time, and probably wouldn't want to see most films again. Books by themselves are "works of art" and will always make a room have a homely feel, but all possessions can become a burden, and as I prefer to travel light down the spiritual path of life, I limit the quantity of ownership.
Living simply can be the only way forward... I am reminded of an early saying of mine, about the "sack of life" into which every negative thought or unresolved action is placed. Eventually the sack is too heavy to carry around, and in order to move on, must be dumped.
Think about it.

Wednesday 21 October 2009

handbag
Once upon a time there was a mean and miserly old queen who lived alone in a large castle, full of her possessions. She surrounded herself with everything she thought she wanted, and her home was cluttered with her things. She was entirely self centered and had been a spoilt, only child. Perhaps she had missed out on love as a child, because as an adult she would never have a relationship because she didn't trust anyone. Also because she had a fairly unattractive personality! She could never love anyone else, and I suppose she loved herself too much, yet this wasn't the love one learns before one can love another, it is the possessiveness of one's self, and not letting anybody get close to her. She was incapable of unconditional love.
She guarded her things jealously, never let anyone into the castle, and would never lend anything. Yet she would borrow other people's things, and hope they would never ask for them back. If ever she went out, she would just buy her own drink, and never had "...any change". If she borrowed money, she would "forget" to pay it back. On these occasions she would produce her bulging handbag, and when she opened it, moths would fly out - but she closed it quickly without producing any of the contents. It is rumoured that she kept a large chest of gold coins in the castle dungeon, and spent time counting these regularly.
As she grew older she became ugly, and deformed. Her hands became warped with arthritis, and the tips of her bent fingers would show through the ragged gloves. Even her tiara became tarnished! Her clothes became stained with the curse of money, and her skin became faded - as banknotes in the sun.
In her later years, she was so reluctant to spend her money on everyday essentials that the castle had no modern conveniences, like hot water or proper heating. Her life was a misery, and she never ate properly. If she really wanted something for herself, she could never make up her mind, and was so reluctant to spend any of her money that in the end she did without it. She was slim because of hunger, and bent over because of the weight of her handbag.
One day, when she was very old, and near to death she reflected on her earthly time, and wished that she could take her money with her. She heard a voice saying that if she would leave her fortune to a good cause she could go to Heaven, but she chose to do a deal with the Devil and burnt the castle down so no one could ever have anything of hers. She died a lonely death, and there is no record of her life. No friends to mourn her passing and no memories of this forgotten woman.
Disclaimer: This is a fictional fable, and does not represent any person or persons, living or dead.

Monday 19 October 2009
new photos

St Albans Abbey
Visited a favourite local town on a very busy Autumnal market day with a friend. How we survived the wild Arriva (300) bus journey from Hemel Hempstead I do not know. The old trick of moving off before passengers have sat down was a prelude to the roller coaster journey. The bus hit kerbs on both sides as we negotiated junctions and roundabouts at enormous speed. Simply this was dangerous driving, and if observed by police would surely attract attention. This is not just an isolated incident, but one feels intimidated by the associated attitude of the driver. I felt if I complained I would be verbally abused, and maybe ordered off the bus - can they do that? I am intending to complain to the bus company, and I wish more people would do this. OK we didn't actually hit any other vehicle (or person), but hitting a kerb at speed is pretty much the same thing.
However our day in St Albans was as enjoyable as ever, and we discovered a Moroccan cafe, had lunch in a favourite tea shop near the Abbey and browsed the market stalls and two book shops. It was very cold, and I realised my summer clothing was grossly inefficient. I am wearing a neck band just now, as I am getting a lot of stiffness and aching. This seems to help. In fact my whole body aches at times, and I feel really "old" several days a week. Is this the beginning of the end I ask myself, as I frequently and miserably creep back to a warm bed for the relief of sleep.
It can only get better at the moment!

Reply from Arriva:
The manager of Hemel Hempstead Garage has now been able to identify the driver concerned with this incident and he has been interviewed at length. He has been reminded of the standards of service and performance which we expect from all of our employees and a copy of this report will remain with his file. Should any similar incident occur in the future, this information may be used again as evidence against him.
Please accept my sincerest apologies for any upset and inconvenience caused. Allegations of dangerous driving are always treated very seriously and, because of this, it is likely that a plain clothes Inspector will be monitoring this driver’s performance over the coming weeks. Further action may then be taken against him depending on the outcome of the Inspector’s report. This action can vary from re-training to dismissal.
Thank you for bringing this matter to our attention. Do not hesitate to contact the Customer Service team if you encounter any problems in the future.

Sunday 18 October 2009

unwanted gadgets
Just what do we do with all those unnecessary and unwanted gadgets that we thought were a good idea at the time. Those new and shiny boxes have seduced us from the shop shelf or internet store. How proud we were that we had the latest, smallest (?biggest), most powerful... Well it doesn't last does it. Our love affair with the latest tech soon fades, and joy turns to disdain. Eventually there is a large collection of empty boxes, jumbled recharging leads and some depression at our foolish actions.
Of course, the "latest" is only so, for a very short time. Even before this one is out, they are designing the next "latest". Alright, so what shall we do with all the kit that is taking up space? It would pain us to give it away - I do remember giving a friend a digital camera, but how hurtful it was when she turned up with the now scratched camera, and complains it doesn't work - because she forgot to keep it charged.
We've all heard of eBay, maybe bought something from the world famous auction site, BUT what about selling your stuff? This has been more than I could cope with, so I contacted Stuff U Sell who will sell it for you on eBay, without the hassle. They do absolutely everything, and will even arrange to have your stuff collected. You will need to gather it together, and hopefully you still have the box and manual (to gain a higher price). There is a listing fee per item, payable in advance, and they deduct 35% commission from the final sale, and all you have to do is wait for the cheque to arrive. It will take a time to ensure there are no returns etc, and throughout the whole process, friendly update emails arrive to keep you informed.
Even when I telephoned, I was always welcomed as a valued customer. Bear in mind they are a recognised eBay Trading Assistant and an eBay Platinum PowerSeller with a 99%+ positive feedback rating. So their record speaks for itself. They are based in west London, and their phone number is 0800 046 1100. Check them out - you'll be pleased you did.
They sold all my stuff, and my cheque has just arrived, so I'm off out to buy the latest...

Saturday 17 October 2009
see the video
photos

Waddesdon Manor
I was lucky enough to have been invited on a outing to National Trust property, Waddesdon Manor - a splendid 19th century chateau style mansion built by the wealthy Rothschild family. The amazing collection of room layouts contains fixtures and furnishings like you've never seen before. I was pushing a wheelchair bound friend, and we were impressed by the arrangements for disabled visitors. The largely volunteer staff worked well together and we progressed through different levels of the house with ease (thanks also to the1906 lift). This was one of the earliest houses to have electricity fitted. The gardens and surrounding parkland are beyond description, and an army of workers were attending to the detail of maintenance to present a magnificent country house in excellent condition.
The sun was shining, which made the trip even more worthwhile, and we all vowed to return at some stage in the future.

Friday 16 October 2009

weather
A face from the past appeared on GMTV (early morning TV breakfast news show) this week - Michael Fish, who retired from the BBC about five years ago as weather man supremo, inspite of the gaff of the decade, when in 1987 he failed to forecast the storm of the century. We all remember that night of hurricane force winds, and complete devastation to many parts of the UK. I was living in central London at the time - a flat in Pimlico. I had been working late, and got home after midnight. Even then the wind was ferocious, and I think it was raining as well. Because of my tiredness, I slept through the night, BUT the next morning a tree had fallen from across the street and branches with leaves were obscuring my third floor bedroom window. I had not heard a thing, but as I emerged from the door to the street I was staggered at the desecration. Trees in particular were uprooted in every direction. Debris was everywhere, and my drive to work was a nightmare of navigation to avoid blocked roads. The storm had passed but the effects lasted for weeks, as people waited for their power supplies to return. Energy workers were transferred from the north to work in the worst hit south east area. Precious trees and woodland were raised to the ground, and there was enormous property damage.
I don't know how long Mr Fish will be working on TV again, but he is not my favourite person, so perhaps I will select another channel when I wish to know the weather forecast.

Thursday 15 October 2009

walking group
With my knee feeling stronger - in part due to some hands-on healing, I made my way to the start of the walk yesterday morning, and met the members of the walking group. I introduced myself, and was warmly received and introduced to other members. Going to any new activity can be traumatic, and on many walks I have progressed in silence - almost a moving meditation. Anyway with these folk that would be impossible, as they all wanted to talk to me! Was I a royal visitor or perhaps the first new member for twelve years? For some reason they all enquired whether I came from Hemel Hempstead - I quickly denied that rumour.
We eventually started, several minutes late, and the joint organisers then argued about which way to go! Because this was a pub car park, most people had been fixated on the lunch menu, and what they were going to order. In fact the whole exercise seemed more about lunch than actually walking. I wasn't staying for lunch, so had no interest in that. They were also organising a Christmas meal (but without a walk) sometime in December. That didn't appeal to me either.
The route was mixed - hilly fields with views over the Chiltern countryside, and in a misty Autumn sunshine. The day had started damp, so I was wearing my waterproof and boots (they are essential wear anyway). Because it was warming up quickly I let the opening of my top flap in the light breeze. Later we dropped down to a small village, then walked by the canal. So, attractive scenery, but oh dear, they walked so slowly, and kept stopping to admire the views. This was a social outing purely, rather than a walk for exercise.
The elderly middle aged group seemed to be fairly well off, and seemingly unaware of the sort of problems I encounter in my life. However on our return to the start (before they entered the pub for their lunch) they all bid their farewells, with wishes to see me again... We'll see?

Wednesday 14 October 2009

the party
I think I promised to report back on Hugo's birthday tea party (last Sunday). Well, a great crowd of friends and neighbours turned up, mostly bearing cards and gifts, so Hugo was delighted... until someone brought their pet female monkey. He didn't like it at all, and immediately she was placed right in front of him, they fell to the floor from the arm of the sofa. Most people thought Ha Ha, they are doing what monkeys do - well I knew better. He was beating the hell out of her for trying to upstage him, on his momentous day. Also he doesn't like girls! They had to be separated, and kept apart from that moment on. Poor Hugo, how could someone have been as thoughtless as that. They just don't understand do they.
Hugo wore his party wig all day, and an orange necklace I had given him. There were lots of things to eat - for him and us, but thankfully no bananas. We all sat around gossiping, and Hugo had lots of hugs, and admiring compliments as to his age and condition. He was highly flattered. He stayed awake the whole time, and didn't go to bed until quite late. There was a single candle in a small cake, which when rotated played the music of "Happy Birthday". We tried to sing, but everyone started at a different time, so it was a bit chaotic.
Because quite a few people had written to say they couldn't make it, I made fridge magnets using the official birthday photo (above) and we wrote a joint letter enclosing this to those people. He signed the letter with a paw print, as his writing is not very good. Word got round, and now people are asking me for fridge magnets!
It was a great day, and I so admire how people entered into the spirit of the idea - well done all of you. Thank you.

Tuesday 13 October 2009

upside down
Love it or hate it, is this the trend this Christmas - an upside down tree? Seen in stores around the country this latest retailer gimmick may actually catch on - or will it. Supporting the case for imitation trees, this is meant to take up less room in the home, and of course one can place more presents around it - all for that!
Does this mean the introduction of different shaped "trees". Maybe eventually they won't even look like trees. They could be different colours to match the home decor? "What about a red one this year, dear" I can hear little wifey saying to her hubby, who probably doesn't care anyway. As long as it doesn't block his view of the TV.
On Saturday in Watford, I looked down into the space below the atrium in the splendid John Lewis store, and saw the Christmas decoration department where they featured an upside down tree. Passing customers commented on this unusual sight, but didn't seem too impressed. Someone said "Where does the Christmas fairy go?" I couldn't answer that.
If Christmas is essentially traditional, will this catch on. I don't think so. I'd never have one, even if I lived in a baronial 16th century castle, with blazing log fire, and a moat. As it is, the only tree I have is a miniature one from years ago, that sits on a window ledge. That is my tradition, and as my late father bought it for our family over forty years ago, it has special memories. It remains carefully wrapped in a plastic bag for eleven months of the year.
I think it may be a while before people change to this new idea, but we will see.

Monday 12 October 2009

graves
Each week, there is news of more deaths of young male soldiers in Afghanistan. Why do we still participate in this "unnecessary" conflict. How many more years will this continue. We will never "win". So many questions, without answers. In the future historians will look back at this political catastrophe, and wonder at the stupidity of mankind.
We are soon approaching the annual service of Remembrance at London's Cenotaph (remembering WW1 and WW2), and the National Memorial Arboretum in Staffordshire (remembering since WW2)... and in every town and village throughout the country. Although we say we will "never forget" I think we have and are - by allowing continuation of this situation started by the Americans. I believe we are mainly out of Iraq, but at what cost.
I was never in the armed services, because National Service (conscription) was abandoned before I was old enough. Thank goodness for that, I say. Why would I want to learn to kill others, who like myself, would probably not wanted to have been there either.
Wars are fought by politicians. The Generals carry out their instructions, and pass on orders down the line (from a safe distance). We keep reading that the troops are under stocked, and poorly supported, so what is happening here. It is simply outrageous. OK if you sign up to this, you know the consequences, but they do deserve better respect and care - medically, practically and socially. Most homeless men living on the streets of our inner cities used to be in the Forces. How on earth can we allow this to continue. They deserve better. Let us remember them.

Sunday 11 October 2009

pause more see more
Who would have thought that a chocolate bar could be like meditation? I have borrowed the tag line from the current TV advertising campaign by Mars for their popular chocolate bar Twix. Of course I can't enjoy one of these any more! The thought provoking phrase is cleverly used to show that things aren't always what they seem. This is like life I thought, as I sat unmoved when watching for the first time...
This fits in beautifully with my journey down the spiritual path, and says so much about the way forward. Firstly "pause more". Let's slow down and experience the moment without distraction, not thinking about past or future - just enjoying the present time and focusing on that, without worry for anything else. If you can really achieve this state of mind, then you can move on and eventually "see more".
Meaning that with patient acceptance of ourselves, brought about by awareness of the present, we will more easily be able to appreciate and understand others as seen through our own eyes, and experienced by our senses and feelings. This understanding is the beginning of enlightenment. By getting in touch with ourselves we can release the potential of greatness from within. We are all unique individuals and most of us have untapped resources available. Coming to terms with oneself, is the beginning of understanding. Acceptance is the next step, and the rest will follow. Anything is possible, It is the beginning which can be hard.
I am reminded of this ancient proverb - A journey of a thousand miles starts with the first step!
Try it for yourself, take a step back one day, turn off the TV and telephone. Pull the curtains together, light a candle, and sit quietly on your own. Let your day to day thoughts drift away as you focus on the flame. Try to avoid distracting thoughts as you declutter your mind. Concentrate just on the flame, see your unwanted words disappear into the light of the candle. Try to empty your brain of thoughts. Experience the warm glow of the light. Think just of that and you will begin to feel relaxed, but fully awake. In time, or the next time you try this it will become easier to reach this state. There is no mumbo jumbo here, it is simply training yourself to "let go" for a time, to relax, unwind and feel better. This could be a new beginning for you. Try it today.

Saturday 10 October 2009
new photos

high risk
That's what I am now, after the result of the cholesterol blood test. I had a message from the Surgery to phone back, and the nurse gave me the message from my Doctor... High risk - as I suspected might be the case, so from now it is a tight regime of non fat, low calorie foods. I am going through the fridge and larder to see what needs to be thrown out. I will aim to minimise the intake of cakes, biscuits and other sweet items (which I love), perhaps going back to Earl Grey tea, rather than cappuccino - to reduce the sugar levels. I may try living on just soup for a time to kick start the new "me diet".
So much is written about the subject now, but years ago no one had heard of cholesterol. In my case though with the new cardiac plumbing it is essential I reduce and maintain a low level of cholesterol. If I was able to take statins it might help, and when I see the GP next week, I will discuss this again.
I have been trying a better diet (haphazardly) and with exercise I was hoping to gain a better score. Even the exercise has diminished recently because of a weak right knee. I wear a knee support bandage, but need an Xray to see what is happening. There has always been a weakness there since as a boy I remember jumping off a stage onto the floor of the hall where I was appearing in a pantomime. The right knee jarred and was very painful for ages. So, now it has caught up with me. Obviously I don't want to stop exercising because of the health value and enjoyment.
Eating out will be the hardest to control, but this is something I must tackle, and succeed at. Oh dear!

Friday 9 October 2009

anticipation
If monkeys and chimpanzees are humans' closest relatives, then Hugo is sharing my anticipation of upcoming Sunday's tea party. Here is the photo I used for the invitation which prompted suitable responses from accepters. Even those who had to refuse wrote kindly to Hugo. He has never had so much attention.
Of course it is not really his birthday, I just made it up, but he must have a birthday sometime, and this Sunday seemed like a good idea. I know he is not real, although he does exist. He may not be eleven but it doesn't matter, does it. I feel like I am aged eleven at times. It is perhaps the "bi polar" part of my make up - the serious and the silly. Yes, Douglas you are right - I do often feel like two separate people. Am I the oldest teenager in Hertfordshire. Why do I like behaving as a child. Why do I love babies and children so much? The name of Peter Pan comes to mind.
Growing up means boring responsibility, and facing up to reality. I would much prefer living in a fantasy world of escapist play and games, but I rarely confess to this. I never thought I would survive the death of my parents, and without close family I even considered the possibility of drastic action. However experience and alleged maturity kick in at some time, and man's innate desire to survive takes over. There was no option at the time, and I had to carry on... I suppose I am glad I did, but I still feel very alone at times.
So here I am, years later, with a pensioners body, and the mind of a child. How can I possibly change now. Should I try hard to be a serious old man or shall I be a childish pathetic old man? Shall I live the dream, ignore the truth - how can I tow the line?
Those who know me seem to accept the package as it is - a real mix of care and comedy, love and laughter, inspiration and insanity. I am content, but sometimes I am drawn in different directions at the same time. This is the conflict, and the reason for my highs and lows. So now you know...
My life is a troubled tale of terrible turmoil, tears and triviality. Please bear with me, whatever my mood. At least you know it will change - soon.
Please promise you won't forget me.
PS. Some caring individuals thought this blog may have been a "suicide note". How kind, but NO it is not. I am a survivor. Thank you so much.

I WILL PROMISE! CK (UK)

Thursday 8 October 2009

our world
Suddenly, instead of one disaster at a time, right now there are several natural disasters occurring at the same time in different parts of our world. Is this evidence of even earlier global warming effects than had been previously predicted by scientists for many years. Is this the shape of things to come? How will even first world countries be able to cope financially and logistically with so much happening all at once, yet alone in their own territories.
There is much cross continent and border help and support, but this is often late and politically flavoured. I believe there is more than one International Rescue organisation on standby, ready to fly anywhere at a moment's notice. Their experienced personnel and dogs have to wait to be invited though. This sometimes happens when local emergency services realise they cannot cope, but so much valuable time is lost.
Early estimates of dead and dying are always well under estimated - surely they need to over estimate nowadays, to maybe "get it right". I am always amazed how it is possible for some people to survive under tons of rubble, and often come out without a scratch. There have been more horrific tales from the current crop of disasters. We forget it all so easily...
Yet I remember the tsunami that occurred on Boxing Day a few years ago. Perhaps because of the date, and also the actual images that were taken at the time were flashed across the world within hours. Unless you see what is happening it is hard to imagine the full effect of the horror.
I remember seeing vivid images of bombing during the Iraq war, when sitting at home one could see the immediate death and destruction - like it had become a video game on a big screen.
I don't know about natural disasters, but I think the way forward for conflict and war is virtual computer gaming. It would be "cheap", easy to set up, and of course death free. I can picture an enormous tournament being televised around the world with expert protagonists challenging each other by pressing buttons on a keyboard to activate an enormous activity and result screen (maybe even a swingometer as well) with a live audience of thousands, and a global audience of millions. The TV networks and advertisers would love this, and it could last almost as long as the X Factor!
Afterwards we could all go to bed...

Wednesday 7 October 2009
new photos

spiders
To avoid stress to arachnophobic readers, I did not use a picture of a spider. Instead the fantastic image of a spiders' web, unquestionably one of nature's marvels. Spiders are everywhere at the moment, as apparently there is a plague of them in the UK, because of weather conditions...
We all know how they love to hide in corners and behind furniture. They enjoy showing off their skills as web masters outside windows, but when they do this inside as well it can be a nuisance. A friend of mine has constant webs inside his car windscreen, and permanently around the external wing mirrors. When you are walking in the garden, one can easily walk into a seemingly invisible web and the sticky material adheres to your face and hair - nasty! It is difficult to remove from your hands once you have cleared it from your head. This must obviously catch the flies, so perhaps the spiders are doing us a favour? No, there are more flies this year, also because of ideal climatic breeding conditions!
Well, I guess they were here before us, and will probably outlive us after obliteration by a meteor or the effects of global warming? I try everything to rid them from my home. Observation is one of the best tactics - starting with the ceiling corners. So, using my long handled brush I gently sweep along the high areas to discourage their settling. Frequently I open windows and wipe around the frame. This is a favourite breeding place. I also have an electronic thing which sends out unwelcome bleeps to keep them away.
I imagine they all have good hearing, but still many survive, and settle here - especially at this time. As much as I love nature, I do view spiders and other creepy crawlies in my home as illegal immigrants, so they are not welcome.

Tuesday 6 October 2009

Hugo's birthday
What do you give a monkey for his birthday? Well, Hugo - self declared 11 years old this coming Sunday, is having a tea party. I've invited lots of neighbours and friends, so it should be a good time. They have entered into the spirit of things by replying direct to Hugo, and writing on cards with teddy bears on - are they mad or am I. Do I care? Hugo has been with me for many years now. He was a rescue monkey from Hemel Hempstead and is my constant (only) companion. I spoil him rotten, and sometimes take him out, where he creates much attention from people - of all ages!
It will be a regular tea, with small cakes and biscuits. I've told people not to bring anything, except themselves, and Hugo only wants hugs. I am sure they will be queuing up to do that.
In the video we "talk" about the forthcoming party and other things. You will notice that he talks fairly quietly, and is a bit shy, but does get excited quite easily. He lives on the sofa in the living room, watches tv all day, but sleeps well at night. He never needs a blanket as he has his own central heating system. He is completely house trained, and also a good deterrent if burglars appear. When I go away, he usually stays here, and I dread to think what he may get up to, but there aren't any other monkeys nearby, so he is not tempted in that way.
He is my best friend, very loyal and loving, and NO you can't adopt him!

Monday 5 October 2009

cloister
I am seeking the silence of the cloister this Christmas, and planning a quiet time away from the commercial holiday it has become. I long for the quiet echoey sensation and spirituality of the ancient covered walkway, normally overlooking a courtyard square or garden. I think of late afternoon shadows, and feel the uneven pathway trodden by countless footsteps before me. I am sure the monastic ghost of a spirit Brother will guide me along the spiritual path I so desire. There may be chanting from the church or the tolling of a bell, but for sure there will not be idle chatter about mindless matters...
I seek this feeling stronger than ever, and am researching on the net for a nearby sanctuary, although I am prepared to travel a distance if necessary. Some years ago I spent Christmas at a small retreat house in Glastonbury. There were just a handful of other guests, and we self catered. The facilities were basic but comfortable. There was silence throughout the house, and one could find meaningful personal space in the library, meditation room, chapel, and other places. It was not entirely Christian, so all were welcome. I did speak to one woman from Cornwall - we could talk in the kitchen when preparing and eating our simple food, and she was rather overbearing, typically controlling and altogether boring. Not a listener at all, yet she said she was a therapist! I tended to eat early or late to avoid her, and during the rest of the day it was easy to be alone.
People wonder why I wish this quiet time at Christmas, especially as I live alone, but of course at home one is never quite "alone" with neighbours and friends, the telephone, email and sometimes casual callers. In Glastonbury, there was no internet, email, television, newspapers or mobile telephones, so you can imagine how wonderful that was for a few days.
Christmas for singles (without family) can sometimes be an emotional struggle with this increasingly long break from routine, and it can be a very difficult time alone or with just the television - how boring can that be. Going out can be limited, perhaps because of the weather or closures, and mainly because most other people you see are actually couples.
So, I'll seek my happiness and contentment this way. Lots of people also dislike Christmas, so why don't you think about an alternative as well?

Sunday 4 October 2009
more photos

Bloomsbury
Yesterday I had a day trip to London to meet a friend in Bloomsbury, for a wander around the academic quarter - British Museum and University Colleges. This is a delightful area of London with mostly low rise buildings, many green squares, and masses of preserved historic buildings. My pic above shows me with an ancient and silent "resident" of the BM.
The early approach of winter meant another layer of clothing, but it was dry for our interesting exploration. Starting at the British Museum, we first admired the covered courtyard, housing the old Reading Room (disguised as the Clore Centre) and connecting the four sides of the main museum square. The books have gone to the British Library at nearby St Pancras. We wandered quickly through Greek, Roman and other ancient rooms, and although the light and airy rooms would normally be pleasant to be in, but not when shared with coach loads of foreign tourists jostling with their cameras and each other. There is unlimited photographic access to the exhibits!
We moved on to find Bloomsbury Square, Russell Square, and Brunswick Square - but not in that order. By lunchtime we found ourselves in Holborn where we enjoyed a fish and chip lunch. Browsing the shops, we found many photographic and book shops - so something for us both. At tea time we were in Tottenham Court Road, having just passed Heals and Habitat - favourites of mine, and then we went our separate ways, as I returned home on the train from Euston, and he took a bus to south London. Another great day.

Friday 2 October 2009
more photos

Sussex trip
A few days away visiting old haunts in West Sussex. Stayed in Worthing, and travelled by bus, train and car - above we are in Clapham (very Sussex) about to have a cream tea in a delightful downland village, where the community effort in manned by friendly volunteers to support their village facilities. The Post Office has closed, and there is no village shop. Well done them, and amusingly while we were there having tea, the local knitters were hard at it - chatting and knitting at the same time, very expertly.
I had hoped to revisit Arundel cathedral, but there was a funeral in progress. I saw lots of other places including Littlehampton, Rustington and Chichester. One day we had lunch at Highdown (in the hills, north of Worthing) and I walked along the Worthing sea promenade. There is so much to do in this area, I ran out of time, but I did manage to track down some bathroom shower fittings for two neighbours, but ironically I packed them into a new suitcase (because the old one collapsed) but then the new one was too small, so I had to take it back to get the next size up... It was only when I was walking to the train station to commence my return journey, that I realised I had left the fittings in the old suitcase (returned to the shop). I dashed back, and there they were in a zipped compartment in the still unsold suitcase. I retrieved them, and made my way again to the train, much relieved.
I presume I have put on more weight this trip, so that will undo all the good so far. I have a cholesterol blood test next week, and I am hoping for a reasonable result. If it is bad, it will spur me into action about the diet (again) and I plan to be eating less but better. I am tackling the oily fish several times a week, but it is an immense struggle to get it right.
What I need is a resident housekeeper to supply nutritious and tasty meals - any offers?